Have you ever noticed how the saltines you buy when you’re sick or have an upset stomach tend to go bad exactly one month before you get sick again? Now you’re stuck with stale crackers – which doesn’t make you feel less sick – or faced with the prospect of hoofing it to the grocery store in an, ahem, unreliable and potentially infectious state.

Curse you, Nabisco. Curse you and your clever bean counters.

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